Since Easter in early April this year, I’ve been reading for fun. Here are a couple of books I finished and why you should read them:
When in Rome
The first one I picked up was a gift from my sister-in-law for Christmas. Boy, does she *get* me. This charming rom-com, “When in Rome” by Sarah Adams, featured a stressed-out pop singer (think Taylor Swift) who was hooked on Audrey Hepburn movies, especially Roman Holiday. When Audrey’s character had too much to cope with, she escaped to Rome, Italy. When the lead character in the book, singer Rae Rose took off for the nearest Rome she could find to her home in Nashville – Rome, Georgia. Of course, there she meets the charming and handsome single man, unlucky in love, who is carrying on tradition by running the family pie shop. You can guess it all from there – it’s a delightful combination of Roman Holiday and every Hallmark movie. Plus Rae’s witchy manager who makes her life a torment!
The Guest List
Next up was another gift from my sister-in-law, and again, she did not disappoint. “The Guest List” by Lucy Foley was a Reese’s Book Club pick as well as a New York Times bestseller. This mystery keeps you guessing until the last chapter – the person you think will be killed isn’t. And the person you think did it, didn’t. Set on an island off the coast of Ireland, the scene is a celebrity destination wedding. The bridesmaid, the plus-one, the best man, and the wedding planner all have secrets. And the bride and groom both have character flaws that are slowly revealed through the story. This is a fascinating thriller in the style of Agatha Christie.
Sex and Vanity: A Novel
Lastly, I read a book that wasn’t nearly as trashy as the title makes it sound: “Sex and Vanity: A Novel” by Kevin Kwan, the author of the Crazy Rich Asians trilogy. This one starts with a wedding also – but this time on the fashionable island of Capri. Half the fun is the description of the lavish, over-the-top, week-long wedding celebration of a high-society couple. All the parties, bridal shower, special concert and pre-wedding activities are lovingly detailed, as well as the wedding itself. Kwan grew up in the rich Singaporean society he wrote about in his Crazy Rich series, so he speaks from authority when he addresses the clothes, hobbies, and preoccupations of the one percent. One amusing aspect: when each character is introduced in the narrative, Kwan gives the person’s educational background, starting with exclusive primary school and private secondary school, then on to top league college and grad school. It’s a fluffy look at how the creme de la creme live, play, and spend the money. And of course, there’s a happy ending. It’s like indulging in a delightful chocolate bon bon!
This review is written as a speech, to be presented to my Toastmasters club March 15, 2024.
Let’s talk about sex.
Now, that I have your attention, Mr. Toastmaster, ladies and gentlemen, why would an upstanding, uptight member – namely, me – broach this subject?
It’s a popular topic. Everywhere you go in America and the Western world, you learn that sexual freedom is regarded as one of the greatest goods in Western society. The modern citizen considers it the pinnacle of our personal expression.
As we all know – sex sells. It’s all over the magazine covers in the checkout lines at the grocery store. Those Cosmopolitan covers would have been behind the counter in the ‘70s. The ‘family hour’ on television – that quaint expression – disappeared when Friends debuted in 1994, 30 years ago.
During this Lent I decided not to give anything up. Instead, I added reading devotional books. The latest book I’ve finished, Why Does God Care Who I Sleep With? addresses one of the most important questions any Christian can ask about Christian mores. The answers are deeper than you think. It’s not just a statement of “Thou Shalt Not!”
Orthodox Christian faith calls Christians to abstain from sex except in marriage. Moderns in our secular culture look at that and think – you Christians are weird. Those young Christians who are trying to live this way can feel completely alone, or worse, as if the world sees them as a bunch of dried-up nerds.
Christianity: the first sexual revolution
But Christians have ALWAYS been out of step with the culture. Think back to the earliest days of Christianity, two thousand years ago. The sexual ethics of the Roman Empire were built around the status of the male property owners. Most women, minor children, and certainly slaves, had no agency. The Roman patriarch could have a wife, as well as a mistress or concubine, or have his way with any slave or prostitute. It was just the way things were – so much, that Christianity was called by writer Kyle Harper “the first sexual revolution.”
Tell a Roman man he couldn’t sleep with whomever he wanted? Unthinkable! Adultery in that society was considered bad only because a woman was considered the property of her husband – adultery wasn’t shameful; it was akin to stealing property.
Into this world came a new sect proclaiming that men were just as obligated as women to maintain purity. Imagine the shock to first-century men! A free-born Roman male was the Lord of his realm. Yet Paul wrote in his first letter to the Thessalonians (4:3-4) “avoid sexual immorality – each of you should learn to control your body in a way that is holy and honorable.” Each – both men and women.
Not only that, but the new Christian faith taught mutuality. In 1 Corinthians, 7, v2-4, the following verse would have made perfect sense to Romans: “The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband.” But listen to the next verse – “In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.”
What?? That would have made a Roman’s head spin. As well as the teaching that couples could abstain or come together by mutual consent – or that women could CHOOSE to be married or single. Roman women had no choice about it. Theologian Beth Felker Jones sums up the differences: “Truly consensual sex was a rarity in the world in which Christianity got its start. Christianity, we might say, invented consensual sex.”
But back to our main question, why? Why is it so different? Why does God care so much?
To answer that, let’s look at the way Jesus taught about adultery. In the book, author Sam Allberry explains that Jesus spoke about it as he did because the sexual integrity of a person is so precious that it shouldn’t be violated – even in another’s thoughts. To look upon a woman “with lust in your hear” – is to commit adultery just as much as the act itself. To covet someone – is to reduce them to a commodity. It negates their personhood.
It’s easy to look back on the practices of the ancient Romans and think we’re not like that. But this message challenges us today and reveals our own hearts. As it did with King David and Bathsheba, covetousness starts with a lustful look. Our society’s ready access to porn makes that all too easy. As Allberry says – lust “reduces how we see others, and in the process dehumanizes us.”
God knows us fully, and still He loves us.
Again – why does it matter to God who we sleep with?
Because, in our messed-up way – that’s where we’ve invested our identity.
First – we all want to be known and loved. This is part of the reason that romance and sexual experience seem so important to us. But too often our broken relationships force us to choose – we can be known, or loved. Often, we’re afraid to be truly known. But God knows us fully and still He loves us.
Second, Jesus does not give us this love out of a sense of duty – but out of his deep desire for us to know Him. The Christian story is one about our deepest desires being fulfilled by knowing him – not through any fantasy being realized.
And third, as we grow closer to God, and know Him more, His love reshapes how we see ourselves. Today’s secular world has made sexual identity the key to our self-understanding. How much better to be defined by the One who loves you more than anyone ever could.
To sum up: today, we think too much of sex – and at the same time, too little. We focus on pursuing our temporary pleasures. We ignore what sex points to – the yearning for a greater union, one that will not be satisfied in this life, but in the world to come.
I began this book immediately after last week’s book, What if It’s True? The author. Amy Orr-Ewing, is an Oxford-educated, a writer, and director of an apologetics center. While she is a passionate layperson devoted to evangelism, she does not have the novelist’s eyes that Charles Martin has.
That made getting into this slim volume (130 pages) a little more challenging for me. The best parts of the book are where she relates her own experiences, or the experiences of others very close to her, in suffering. Her depiction of the Grenfell Tower fire opens the chapter on Anger. Anyone who keeps up with the international news remembers that – but many don’t know about the events in the week after – the service that she and her husband conducted for the survivors and community after. That moving story showcases God’s love for all those angry and in pain in that tragedy.
With these scenes from her life Orr-Ewing begins the chapters of this book. Each chapter focuses on a particular emotion or type of suffering: grief, sickness, natural disasters, violence, and more. In each chapter, after the opening, she looks at how Christians perceive God’s response. Where is He? She continually contrasts the materialist/atheist philosophy against what Christians believe. In the chapter on sickness, she writes:
But why should the physical frailty of our bodies hurt us at this almost transcendent level? Could our human experience of illness be a reminder, an indicator, that to be human is to be more than a material entity of molecules and atoms?
She reminds us that Hebrew poets from 3,000 years ago were asking God about this in words that Christians and Jews cherish today:
Hear my prayer, Lord; let my cry for help come to you. Do not hide your face from me when I am in distress.
Psalm 102: 1-2a
The Psalmist continues with vivid depictions of his illness:
My heart is blighted and withered like grass; I forget to eat my food. In my distress I groan aloud and am reduced to skin and bones.
Psalm 102: 4-5
This second book in my Lenten reading series made me realize anew the power of story to convey truth. A story captures our imaginations and brings us in. A listener or reader empathizes with the characters, perhaps cheering them on or watching in despair. Stories are what we remember – not lectures. After all, did not the greatest teacher ever known teach in parables?
I’ve been reading the book “What if It’s True?” by Charles Martin every morning as part of my devotional time this Lent. Martin wrote this book after he decided to take a fresh look at Scripture, reading it with the mindset: What if this can be trusted? What if this really, really is true? What if the King of the Universe is speaking to me through it? And – if that’s so, what should my response be?
Martin said of his motivation:
What if this Jesus, the One who walked out of the tomb shining like the sun, holding the keys of death and hades, is alive – in you? In me? I write fiction for a living, and that’s either the craziest thing I’ve ever heard, or the most important word ever spoken.
Introduction, What if It’s True?
His reading led him to beautiful epiphanies and moments of heartbreak, stories of how God’s word is working through him. Each chapter is about a different story from Jesus’ life. Each chapter ends with a prayer that Martin prayed and recorded. These prayers are so raw and intimate it pushes aside any of your pretenses. I wanted to kneel several times reading these prayers that he wrote.
I’m only ¾ of the way through, but so far, my favorite chapter is Chapter 10 – “No Gone is Too Far Gone.” As in every chapter, he sketches the scene or parable in the language and idiom of today. His retelling of the story of the Prodigal Son made me understand exactly how low that poor boy got – it was if I could taste those horrible slops the prodigal had to eat. And when the Father sees the son from far off, coming home – you feel that joy.
It’s not that the Scripture is unclear, but hearing the story over and over, in the same words of the ESV or NIV for so many years had dulled its power. Through his book, Martin allows me to glimpse the sheer joy of this parable – the minute the son repented, the Father forgave him. And forgave him so generously – no nonsense about working off his debt, acting as a servant in his house. He restored him to sonship. That is the beauty of repentance. It’s a big ask – to turn back to the Father, to deny ourselves – but the rewards are overwhelming.
Next up on my list is to finish my re-read of “The Great Divorce” by C.S. Lewis. My bookclub, The Inklings, is reading this classic this winter. I’ve read it several times, and each time I marvel at the description of a bus tour from Hell into Heaven, and the souls who are redeemed. It’s an exploration of Lewis’ complex thoughts on the possibility that Purgatory exists – and that some saved souls may need to be purified (or, in this book, “made solid”) in order to be able to withstand the holiness of Heaven. My favorite part is the description of the lady who was one of the “Great Ones” in Heaven. Who she was on Earth was quite a surprise to the traveler.
And new this year – I’m reading “The Collects of Thomas Cranmer.” Cranmer was the Archbishop of Canterbury who wrote the Book of Common Prayer, the greatest collection of prayers and services in the English language. He wrote different collects for every week of the liturgical year. These beautiful short prayers are composed of five parts: 1) the Address, 2) the Acknowledgement, 3) the Petition, 4) the Aspiration, and 5) the Pleading. Here’s one example – the famous Collect for Purity:
Almighty God,
unto whom all hearts are open, all desires known, and from whom no secrets are hid,
cleanse the thoughts of our hearts by the inspiration of thy Holy Spirit
that we may perfectly love thee, and worthily magnify thy holy name,
Consider these situations: A CEO is across the table from negotiating with a peer for the best terms in a merger. A mother is questioning her teenage son about where he was the night before. An HR rep is interviewing a new prospect.
Every one of these people wants to know what the other person is thinking.
They’d have no problems if they read Joe Navarro’s “What Every Body Is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Speed-Reading People.” This book not only shows you how to read the clues when someone is being dishonest, but it also teaches how to maintain situational awareness, and maybe even win a poker game or two.
The limbic brain in action
Navarro and his co-author begin with an explanation of the brain, and how our most primitive brain – the limbic brain – is responsible for most of our body language. We’re responding to situations with the most basic of impulses without thinking: freeze, flight, or fight.
This book is filled with examples of body cues Navarro learned from his 25-year career in the FBI. These memorable vignettes are liberally placed through the book, and along with numerous photos demonstrating each body position, help break up the text chock full of citations. Some of the scenarios are ones you can practice immediately.
And – the one area of the body which is the most “honest” part? The part of the body that cannot but help but give you away if you are lying? It’s not your face. A trained poker player can master their face. No, the answer will surprise you. And I’m not giving it away here – go get the book
As someone who has lived alone for most of my adult life, I haven’t always liked it. But growing older and wiser makes me glad for all the many blessings: a bathroom to myself! No one to wake me up by snoring. I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want!
One of my favorite blogs is Apples and Roses, the blog of Dorothy Cummings McLean, who once wrote Seraphic Single, blog full of advice for single women. She recommended “Live Alone and Like It” as “the most enjoyable book I ever read on the Single Life.” As I adore McLean’s writing, I immediately ordered the book.
Vogue editor Marjorie Hillis published this slim volume (only 154 pages) in 1936, back in a time when a woman past the age of 25 was considered “on the shelf.” Her book became the eighth most popular non-fiction book of the year and one of the best sellers of the decade. Obviously, attitudes were starting to shift.
This charming book reads as if your chic, worldly-wise older aunt or cousin came over for cocktails or tea and decided to share her wisdom. The language is delightfully dated: Hillis speaks of a woman’s “beau” coming to pick her up, and that scrambled eggs and sausages are favored at the “smartest debutante parties.” The twelve chapters cover everything from how to furnish your home or apartment, the necessity of keeping up with the latest styles – not spending money you don’t have, but never being dowdy – as well as the morals of a single lady. (“A Woman’s Honor is no longer mentioned with bated breath and protected by her father, her brother, and the community. It is now her own affair.”)
Never, never, never let yourself feel that anybody ought to do anything for you. Once you become a duty you also become a nuisance.
Chapter Two, “Who Do You Think You Are?”
Her breezy chapters chock-full of good tips close with case studies of single, divorced, or widowed ladies who demonstrate their good sense – or who serve as a warning to others. My favorite was case study XXV: the lady who knew how to spend a weekend alone: spending Saturday at the beauty salon while her housekeeper cleaned, taking a good tub soak at home before enjoying dinner served on a tray by said housekeeper, then relaxing with breakfast in bed the next day. Sounds wonderful!
This is your house, and it’s probably the one place in the world where you can have things exactly as you please.
Chapter Six, Setting for a Solo Act
The many mentions of bed jackets and satin pajamas make me think of Eva Gabor in “Green Acres” – but they also make me want to upgrade my wardrobe immediately. Every single woman deserves that luxury!
I used to think that science fiction was as odd as the people who read it. In my view only nerdy, insecure teenage boys liked to read stories set on different planets, or which featured aliens come to Earth. Everything was so fantastical, so unreal.
Then I realized my mistake: I’d been reading *bad* science fiction.
Later in life I discovered Sarah Hoyt. Reading her work I found character-driven stories that didn’t rely on gimmicks. Only good, old-fashioned storytelling, with interesting plots and characters I could cheer on. Learning about her influences from her blog led me to Heinlen and other masters.
This past week I finished one of those classics, “They Walked Like Men.” Author Clifford Semak published this in 1962, after a career as a newspaperman. Naturally, he wrote what he knew, and the hero of the tale is a hard-working, hard-drinking journalist. He’s got a story which NO ONE believes that no one will publish.
Of course I won’t give any plot spoilers but imagine a world invasion handled completely by the book – by our own laws. Everything nice and tidy. An invasion carried out by way of real-estate sales, happening all over the globe. That’s what our newspaperman hero had to confront. The oddly-smelling others – who look and walk just like men – are simply using our laws, social codes, and currency system against us.
The protagonist isn’t whip-smart or condescending, like so many unbelievable heroes of today’s action novels. He blunders about, makes mistakes, and just barely figures out his path forward. You’ll be hanging on to every word, cheering him on.
My favorite book genres are varied and eclectic: mysteries, cozy mysteries, history, historical fiction, biographies, and especially thrillers. I can dash through a Kindle thriller in just a few hours – witness what I did with “The Attack” and one I bought just this weekend. Sadly, my reading through the Bible is much more slowly paced. And I’ve had one devotional book on the end table by my couch for the better part of a year.
My Ladies’ Bible Study has been tackling the book of Genesis for the last six months. Our leader wrote the guides herself, and we completed Part 1, Chapters 1-15, in the Fall of 2023. Now we’re working through Part 2, Chapters 16-through 50, this spring. And the way she is teaching this huge section has whet my appetite for this important book.
I can’t possibly describe the sweep and breadth of this wonderful book in one 800-word post. What I would like to share is the method by which we’re reading it, and the things I’ve discovered, that I either never paid attention to before, or had forgotten, in the story. Too often I equate reading the Bible with the slow, measured reading of just a few verses or section in a chapter.
An Adventure Story
To my shame, often I wonder how little I can read to satisfy my daily devotional. Now I am reading this fascinating and yet foreign book, of people who lived thousands of years ago in lands I can barely imagine, with fresh perspective. It’s all due to the way our leader instructed us to read the book in the two weeks we have before our next session:
Here is the assignment – on days 1-6, read through Genesis 16-50 as if it were a novel. …. Read without taking notes or use an audio version…. Enter into the hearts, minds, and world of the patriarchs. Their stories will resonate with your own. To emotionally connect with the book will increase our appetite to understand it.
Genesis, Part II – Lisa Wheeler
This way of the reading Genesis is a revelation. I haven’t censored my own thoughts about what I’m reading. I’m mentally commenting on the action as I would an action-packed novel by Lee Child, Vince Flynn, or Kyle Mills. What I’ve discovered so far:
Rebekah. Rebekah agreed to far away to be Isaac’s wife – of her own free will. At first I was thinking of the lack of agency women had in who they married – but Rebekah’s family left the choice to her. She is recorded in Scripture as saying, yes, I will go. However – the women who accompanied her – her nursemaid and others – didn’t have that choice. Sadly, that was the state of servanthood and slavery as it existed then, throughout the world.
Hagar. When Sarai sent the pregnant Hagar away, God looked after her. Hagar, an Egyptian, didn’t even know the God of the Jews, but He knew her. And He spoke to Hagar, reassuring her that she would be fine even returning to live in Sarai’s household, but that her offspring would be “wild” – meaning that child would not be a slave or servant.
Ishmael. Just as God took care of Ishmael’s mother Hagar, so he took care of Ishmael. For 12 years he was the son of Abraham. Then he was sent away with Hagar – but God intervened to provide. And God once again reassured the two that Ishmael would found a nation, with twelve sons who were called princes.
Isaac and Ishmael. Whenever I read the story, I always thought of Ishmael exiting stage left, and that was it for him. But at the end of Abraham’s life – both his sons buried him (Gen. 25:9.) That means to me that the two brothers had some sort of relationship. Were they close? Did they communicate over the decades? Or did Isaac reach out to Ishmael as Abraham grew weaker? I prefer to think that they stayed in touch. It’s something I never considered before.
Esau and Jacob. We all know the story of how Esau sold his birthright for a “mess of pottage.” (As a Southerner I love that phrase.) And Esau went far away from Jacob to other lands. But just like Isaac and Ishmael – there’s one line that surprised me. After Isaac died, we see in Gen 35:29b: “And his sons Esau and Jacob buried him.” They had to have some kind of relationship, then, and that pleases me.
So much action
I make the mistake of thinking of the Old Testament as dry, recitations of ‘begats’ and names. But reading Genesis as a novel made me realize how much action there is: dysfunctional family drama, loyalty, betrayal, intended murder, sex scenes (that Potiphar’s wife was a hussy!), prostitution – yep, check out chapter 38 – dream interpretation, family, aristocracy and monarchy, drunken feasts and misunderstandings, a heartwarming family reunion, and at the end, blessings upon all the sons of Jacob.
As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good….
Notes from Aunt Gem 